A play

Right! I am going to tentatively head this play as "The great Indian dream"

I am publishing the play in its entirety as I had envisioned it. This is a rough draft and maybe changed innumerable times.

ACT 1/SCENE 1

[ An American grad school student driving towards a Harvard building. There is a huge gate. Sees somebody standing outside and calls for him]

American: Yo guard guy! Open the gate.

Indian seeming man at gate: (shows no response)

A: You bloody Indian. Open the gate.

I: Excuse me! Who are you calling a bloody Indian? Yes I am an Indian but that does not give you the right to insult me.

A: Of course it does.

I: Do you know why Indians come to the USA?

A: To get insulted? (Is very amused at his own wit)

I: No. Some of us were oppressing our peers for about 200 years. Now all of us are being oppressed by a group of people who claim to have been oppressed. So to escape this endless cycle of oppression, we go abroad and get an education, a job and a citizenship. Now one day Ill become your congressman and you'll say "Anything can happen in America". Then one day there will be an Indian American president and he'll say, "Anything can happen in America". Now this might happen ........

ACT 2/ Scene 1

The White House.

American 1: May I speak to Mr. James Sutherland (JS), the Undersecretary, World Affairs?

(Gets connected)

American 2: Speaking.

A1: The President has asked for a report on the world situation. A flight is waiting at the JFK for your disposal.

JS: Alright , I'll leave right away.

JS: (to himself) What world situation? America rules the world. Orders, orders...

ACT 2/SCENE 2

(At the airport)

JS: Let me check out the hangar. Ah! there's my flight, PARIS Airlines, the supposedly best fliers in the world.

(Goes inside the plane and meets the steward)

Steward: Good Morning. And what can I do for you sir?

JS: I am the Undersecretary, World Affairs, James Sutherland. I would like to look around.

St: Sure sir.

JS: (Looks at his questionnaire and thinks he'll start his report from the plane) Your name?

St: Happy sir!

JS: Happy? You do know English right? I asked your name. (SLOWLY)

St: Happy sir.

JS: Happy?

St: Yes sir. I was Sukhwinder Singh, which became Sukhi when I came here. Of course Sukhi is Happy in India, So I am now Happy.

JS: Ok. [looking at his questionnaire]. So this airline is based out of Paris?

H: No sir. France.

JS: But Paris is in France.

H: I don't know about that sir.

JS: But the airlines is named Paris Airlines.

H: It is actually Parsi Airlines. There was a spelling mistake, some American guy couldn't spell Parsi. Anyway the name stuck.

JS: Ooooook. Lets meet the captain.

H: A minute sir.

(JS has already reached the cockpit)

H: No no. Please wait.

JS: (enters the cockpit) So what is your name and how long have you been captain here?

Captain: How dare you come in here? Get out this instant.

JS: There must be some mistake..

Captain: What mistake? Teri Maaki..

JS: Did you just call me monkey? Are you abusing me racially??

C: No I said Maaki. That is probably the worst insult in Hindi and involved your mother and your entire ancestry.

JS: Oh. That's alright then. I am the U.S. World Affarirs, and your passenger James Sutherland.

JS: What's your original name?

C: Tata is my last name. My first name is Bahadur and my friends call me Courage.

JS: So how long have you been Captain?

C: 4 years and in these years we have literally flown to the top. Nice pun right?? Works all the time.

(Voice: Indians can't resist wordplay)

JS: Hmmm.. (looking around with a forced smile) What's that? Is that an incense stick? And a bead garland. And a bloody compass with a big red dot on it!! Where the hell are the instruments??

C: What instruments? In God we trust.

JS: How do people fly you? How are you even allowed to pilot this plane?

C: But sir! We are the best in the business...

ACT 3/SCENE 1

(Somewhere in Germany)

JS: Guten Tag Herr. Meinkamf

M: What?

JS: I said good day.

M: Oh. You are Mr. Sutherland, yes? Good Afternoon. Please call me David.

JS: Ah! Your English is impeccable.

M: You sound surprised. Oh! I forgot. You are American. Anyways, a drink? I am going to tune into the radio.

JS: No, thanks.

M: (tuning in)..

Radio: Good Afternoon and welcome to the Deutcheweller Radio and now the day's cooking tip: How to make your Chicken tikka spicier. This will be followed by the day's news...

M: Oh! We'll have to wait for the news.

JS: (surprised) DWR in English??

M: But of course. I thought you guys are well informed. It is the state language for God's sake.

JS: State language??

M: Yeah. Chancellor Angela headed the committee that changed the state language. English is the most widely spoken language you know.

JS: Angela...... Merkel??

M: Angela Kaur. Previously Parwinder Kaur, supposedly Pari means angel.

JS: Isn't Chinese the most spoken language?

M: Excuse me?

JS: Chinese.. from China..

M: Oh, you mean the Indo-China Block. The sex ratio was so skewed in China that they had to merge with India to survive.

JS: I think I'll have a drink. A whisky maybe.

M: And English of course took firm flight after the establishment of the British Raj in London.

JS: Make that whisky strong...

Act 4/Scene 1

[Back in the US, a pub]

JS: (to himself) They are everywhere. Russia, China, even Australia...

[The TV is running..]

TV voice1: And now for the post match review show of the superbowl.

TV voice2: Welcome to Sunny's Superbowl show. What a game! What..a...game!! Two seconds on the clock and Paul Peters scores a touch down for the Giants. The Giants win 21-18. He ran the entire length of the field and in the process set a new record....

JS: Atlast a truly American hero!! The world is not ending...

TV Voice2: Let us meet Paul's parents. How proud they must be of this incredible, beautiful moment of time. Here they are, Mark and Jothi Arokyaraj all the way from Americapuram in India. So how do you feel Mark.....

JS: This can't be happening....

TVvoice2: (After some time) So thats all folks, until next week this is Ravindranath "Sunny" Tagore signing off...

JS: I get it. Ravi means Sun.

JS: (to the bar tender) Excuse me. Can I have a coffee? Black? And a newspaper.

BT: Sure bob. Coffee's on the boil. Here's the paper.

JS: (Flipping through) Enough news.. (Looks over at the entertainment section) Headlines: "Tom Hanks" new movie releasing worldwide today.

JS: Wow! Now Tom Hanks, he is a star! (Turns to the bar tender) So what's this about a new Tom Hanks movie?

BT: Tom Hanks. So that's what they are calling him now?

JS: Calling who? (Turning back to the paper) Shiva "Tom Hanks" Kapoor has been nominated for an oscar in his role as Congressman Jindal in the movie of the same name. Now with his path breaking role as a racially abused Indian in his new movie "Attack of the Kangaroos" he has supposedly achieved new heights in acting, directing, music, singing, cinematography and even choreography....

JS: I need a walk.

(Walks through the Harvard park and sees a student busy at work. Looks over her shoulder and sees a thesis paper titled "Population Exportation")

JS: Shouldn't that be explosion?

St: No.

JS: Exploitation then?

St: Please stop wasting my time.

JS: Ok. So where is the exportation from? Who is being exported? No! Don't answer that! I can guess...

JS: (turning to the audience) By now you can guess...

Audience: India!

JS: No! America you fools...

ACT 4/SCENE 2

The White House

JS: I need to meet the President immediately.

(The oval office)

JS: Sir! Its code red. code red. We have a situation at hand. They are everywhere.

President: (With his chair turned) Who?

JS: The Indians. What do we do? Nuke 'em? Just give the order.

President: (Slowly turning) Forgotten something James? Is this a joke? You know you did vote me in as the first Indian American President of the U.S.A....

ACT5/SCENE1

[In the Harvard Library]

Doctor: He is in shock. No problem. Might have future repercussions though. Will have to give him a full check up.

JS: (slowly opening eyes) Where am I?

Female voice: You are in the Harvard library. I take it you are James Sutherland from the Yale Debating Society. You of course have come here to extend an invitation for a debate.

JS: I think so...

FV: Well, I am Parvati, I am the president of the Harvard Debating Society. The doctor was just telling me that you are suffering from manic shock and you might have repercussions. Doctor?

Doctor: Ah! yes. Of course dealing with manic shock is not very easy in America. We don't face the truth much often. But I do have a colleague, a specialist in India.......

[Curtains followed by Curtain call]

(It is of course clear that JS is the American and the President, the Indian from Act1)